when you accidentally befriend someone annoying and you can’t get out of the friendship
why do parents get so upset about little things like goddamn I left a plate in the sink not a dead body
very fucking punny you shits
with all the actual humour, tumblr still finds “teeth” the funniest thing.
welcome to dencon. on your birthday you get an extra hour in the pit.
I don’t know how much Denny’s pays their social media team but however much it is, it’s not enough
This is my new favorite post
should i message them again or am i just being really clingy and annoying: a life story by me
Sebastian Stan talking about the crew’s nicknames for him on set
imagine a vampire going “fuck it” and just taking some antihistamines before going to town on a plate of garlic bread
later on it’s wheeled into the ER with like a puffed up face and it just goes “I have been on this earth 10 thousand years but i have not lived until this day”
I Get Really Uncomfortable When People Type Like This
by panic at the disco
When you realize that someone is only being nice to you because they want something
I just realized that it’ll be the 20’s again in less than six years. I propose we bring back swing music and jazz attire.
why did the seagull fly over the sea?
because if it flew over the bay, it would be called a bagel
The first time someone tried to steal my bag in the subway I panicked and I broke his arm with an umbrella and since then none of my friends will let me forget about this.
If you think this was a badass moment you need to remember I’m 5 ft and my bag was a Lucky Star bag and I was crying while hitting someone much bigger than me repeatedly with a frog-shaped umbrella.
you are my hero